I have a new doctor. Not that I’m really sick or anything. In fact, I’ve only been truly sick twice in the last ten years. And other than the constant battle I’ve waged with my weight for the last 53 years, I’m probably healthier than anyone I know.
So why do I have a new doctor? Because their was a minor glitch with my colon cancer screening, and I couldn’t get the necessary colonoscopy here without a doctor’s referral. And since I didn’t already have a doctor, the insurance company found me one. Plain and simple.
This is how I discovered why people die from disease. Even when they’ve got a referral, they can’t get in to see a physician. Appointments are booked way in advance. Months in advance. And even though I knew before Thanksgiving that I needed to make tracks to the doctor’s office, I couldn’t get in until January. [Damned good thing I wasn't on my last leg - or I'd have had no leg at all!]
At any rate, my appointment was at 4:30 in the afternoon. I read four trash rags cover to cover, went for two walks and smoked more cigarettes than I care to admit. Two hours later, I still hadn’t been seen. Finally - at 7:00p.m. - I was shown to an examining room. And after being poked, prodded and questioned for the next hour, I was given the referral for the colonoscopy - and just for good measure, an appointment for March 9th for a complete physical. A physical that included not eating a bite for 12 hours before the appointment. [The appointment was for 10:30a.m., so how bad could that be? Right?]
But on to the colonoscopy - something that, even with a referral, I couldn’t get scheduled until the end of February. For those of you who’ve never had one, you don’t know what you’re missing. Just forget about all the crap you’ve heard, and the fact that you could qualify as a poster child for Roto-Rooter. None of that’s important. What is important is that they dope you up with a mixture of Versed and Demerol - the former of which gives you temporary amnesia, and the latter of which makes you feel like you’re floating on clouds. It’s truly great stuff; in fact, the only things I remember about the procedure at all were the jokes being flung back and forth - and that the recovery room nurse brought me coffee instead of the “required” apple juice.
Yeah…the procedure, itself, is a walk in the park. It’s the prep that’ll kill you. You see, I had absolutely no intention of swallowing all that liquid chalk. So instead, I opted for pills. Little did I know that I’d have to swallow 32 of them - the first 20 between 6:00 and 7:00 the night before, and the last 12 at 4:00 in the morning. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the damnable things were big enough to choke a horse. It gets worse. To add insult to injury, I had to be on a CLEAR liquid diet for 24 hours before the procedure. [I guess they figured that anyone who'd swallowed 32 pills didn't need to eat.] So all I was allowed to ingest was chicken broth, white tea, and ginger ale. That’s right…no coffee. [Bonafide coffee-holic that I am, though, I found the loophole. I just got up two hours early so I'd have time to drink a pot before the 24 hours began. ;)]
It was probably the most miserable, most undignified 24 hours I’ve ever lived through. Suffice it to say that I finally just grabbed my pillow and spent the night in the bathroom with my head in my lap. [Too bad the Versed couldn't make me forget that, too!]
But back to my new doctor…during the first appointment, she’d decided that my blood pressure - something that’s always been relatively low was a bit on the high side. [Hmmm...wonder if that had anything to do with having to wait for three and a half hours?] She’d decided that my cholesterol was a little high and that I should cut out sugar. [I seldom eat sugar unless I'm touring, and I haven't even started this year.] And for whatever reason, she decided I needed an EKG, which she administered.
So…two months later, I’m in for my physical. [The wait was only 3 hours this time.] She draws more blood. She decides my heart is skipping a beat and orders another EKG, this time with a rhythm strip. She gives me a tetanus shot since it’s been fifteen years since my last one. There’s a pap smear involved. She wants my eyes checked, a bone density test performed, and a mammogram administered. She decides I need Vitamin D with Calcium - three tablets a day - some sort of upper abdominal test performed, and gives me referrals for all. But that’s not all. She also refers me to a dermatologist to get a mole in my ear checked out.
Is she for real??? [I guess she must be since her handwriting's so bad I can't read it - and they tell me that's the test of a real doctor. ;)] Doesn’t she realize I have work to do and books to write, and don’t have time to be running from doctor’s office to doctor’s office?
Apparently not.
So…for the next few months, that’s exactly what this extremely healthy, hardly-ever-sick-and-have-no-need-of-a-regular-doctor woman will be doing: Taking up all the doctor’s appointments needed by really sick people.
Damn…I hope nobody dies on account of it! Sigh!
Hugs!
Dorothy…
April 1st, 2009 - 10:01 am
I hear you !
every time I take my son to his doctor I am in there for 6 hours
Yes he may have sugar but over all he in great shape! my son must go to a doctor and put up with this bull shit ..he get more test done on him than i like to say..
This is why I will not go to a doctor ! all they want is money! and I feel they have no clue in what they are doing ..
April 1st, 2009 - 12:56 pm
Just be wary - lots of docs will diagnose you with all kinds of things that you may not actually have just to get the cash. And the pharmacies are worse than the docs! My son had a really croupy cough a few months ago and his doc prescribed a cough syrup….which the pharmacy wanted to charge $66 freakin’ dollars for! $66.00 for COUGH SYRUP!!! I said forget this crap - I bought Robitussin.
As for the wait…my doc has a long wait list, and you have to wait for ages in the lobby/waiting room to get it. Fortunately though, when I take my son to the doc, it doesn’t take too long.
I definitely feel your pain though, cause I have to go in on the 9th of this month to get myself checked out. I just hope that nothing serious is wrong for either of us! *lol*
April 1st, 2009 - 5:50 pm
Dorothy, love, now you know why I have rejected “modern” medicine. I’d rather spend my days in blissful ignorance of whatever nasty is supposedly going to invade my innards instead of spending those days waiting in a room with old magazines and crabby people for tests that cost me far too much and only lead to more tests.
The day I spent almost two hours in stirrups while my OBGYN discussed which day he could go try out the pharmaceutical rep’s new yacht was the last straw for me. I’m done with them. Those drug companies OWN them, and the Hippocratic oath doesn’t mean squat anymore.
If I kick off early, so be it. I’ll know I spent my life doing what I wanted to do instead of what some schmuck doctor told me I should do so he/she can spend another month in Aruba this year.
Pain management. That’s all I see “modern” docs for anymore. Hope everything’s okay on your end, though. We’ll be thinking about you over here!
April 1st, 2009 - 7:50 pm
O I so know your plight. I recently had a similar experience, turns out I had a huge tumor and I think the reason it was so big was because it took forever to get an appointment with a specialist to have it removed…sigh…..
April 1st, 2009 - 11:31 pm
May I chime in as well as to be careful with all the things they want “checked out”. Sometimes a second opinion is good for this as well. Especially if you waiting for 3 hours each time you visit! That would have me looking for a new doctor’s office.
And I had the endoscopy done as well as the one where they put a camera down your throat. Unfortunately, I woke up (knocking me out never works for long) and remember that part too well. So remembering what happened for the prep is SO preferable to the other. Ugh!
Hoping to hear good news in future blogs and that all the tests were needless and you are still “healthy as a horse”.
April 2nd, 2009 - 3:42 am
It is miserable and humiliating, plus a pain in the a**. The last time I saw you in Tulsa in 2003 at UEA was the weekend before I had surgery for colon cancer. Those appointments should not take that long. I saw my reg physician, within a couple of days the scope. Was told then of the problem, a few days later informed it was nearing stage four and required immediate sugery. I barely convinced him to wait 2 weeks, ( I was in ritual and my mind needed to be with family and friends there). I am soon to be 6 years cancer free, but require a colonoscopy every 6 months. I just put on a much larger bag (colostomy required permanently) and make sure my friend (a nurse) is there to stick a gag in my mouth if I start talking while under the meds. But with the new procedure, i’m in and out in usually less than 30 minutes. Get multiple consults, because colon cancer doesn’t stike men, just ask Ozzie Osbornes wife (brain dead at this hour and can’t remember her name), we are both survivors. Too bad I won’t see you at OKP Beltaine. May eve is my birthday and have already scheduled plans.
Blessings to you and candles burning for a speedy appointment and clean results.
beej
April 3rd, 2009 - 11:31 am
Its HELL being a DIVA
April 3rd, 2009 - 2:04 pm
Oh, darlin’ - I feel your pain, too - been there, had that. MY fun, however, was taking that WONDERFUL concoction! You see, with the VA, YOU DON’T GET THE CHOICE - they GIVE you this HUGE container, tell you to mix this little powder with a TON of water, and start drinking!
They also are SUPPOSED to give you a “flavor packet” (notice the quotes!), so it’s more palatable - HAH! I had to add something myself, which made it taste like salty lemonaide!!!!
My mom’s supposed to go in for one on Monday. It’s gonna be a LONG weekend, not being able to use the downstairs bathroom this weekend…sigh!
April 4th, 2009 - 5:34 pm
Dorothy my sweet, I hear and understand your plight…but I do have some words of causion! I am fortunate in that I have had the same doctor for some 18 years. I have had a chance to “train” him to listen to me and he knows my specific problems and he also knows that I know that I say about my own body…That said…I have had 5 colonoscopy’s since I was 47 years old (I am now 63). The first one I had to wait 5 weeks for the referral to the specialist because he was out of the country. That 5 weeks was agony for me as the sigmoid procedure “appeared” to reveal a nearly 1″ pollyp in the sigmoid portion of my colon and all the research said that any pollyp that large was “alwsys” cancer. So, this being prior to my official journey into the Wiccan Way…I waited for the specialist to return to the country. To make a very long story shorter…As it turned out the “appearance” of a nearly 1″ pollyp was actually two pollyps of about 1/3″ size each that were in (the doctor said) severe Dysplaisia. He said they were about 8 weeks from cancer cells and while they were rather large he was able to remove them during the colonoscopy along with two smaller ones that were still white. You see I am one of those high risk people because my mother died of colon cancer. She never had a colonoscopy in her life. Had she done so she may have lived a great deal longer than she did. So while I agree with you that the procedure is a walk in the park and the day before is the WORST of it all!!!! It is definately worth going through it to keep yourself cancer free. Once the cancer has invaded and they have to go in and remove it all kinds of other problems happen and life is not very long afterward…at least it was so with my mother. Now each of the colonoscopy’s I have had there have been small pollyps. These are always removed during the procedure and now I have reached the point where the procedures can be done once every 5 years. I am just about due for another one and while I hate thinking about it, I know I will do it just the same. Yes some doctors can be in it for the “money” they can get…and I know you are very very busy to be waiting so long for appointments etc…but call around and see if there is not a doctor in your area who guarantees you will be seen within 30 minutes of your actual appointment time…(mine does not but there are those that do) so that you don’t have to go through the run around each time. if you drop in and see him twice a year then you should not have to go through all the rigamarole of tests etc that you probably don’t need and don’t have time for. Be well, as I know you are but also please don’t give into complacency when it comes to checking up on your health. We all love you, and your works, and we don’t want to lose any of that just because you didn’t get a checkup because you didn’t have time. Hugs! Lady Kundalini (Karen)
April 16th, 2009 - 12:27 pm
Hi Dorothy,
I don’t know what kind of insurance you have–your own or Mark’s, but do you have the option of selecting your own doctor? My family practice is great–I have a PPO and I pay more for it but it’s worth it.
The vitamin D thing seems to be the new bandwagon–I was told mine was low, given a supplement to take for 8 weeks and told to come back to have my blood checked again–like that’s going to happen–I’m needle-phobic–they’ll see me in 6 months when they do the next cholesterol/thyroid screening, and I’ll find an OTC supplement to take until then. I just got socked with a bill for almost $300 of lab fees which are not covered by the deductible–my “share.”
I haven’t done the colonoscopy yet, maybe because the doctors don’t understand the concept that single people don’t always have family in the area, and all of our friends work too–if they want to schedule it at 4:30 in the afternoon, so I could take a cab home or call a friend, that wouldn’t be so bad, although there’s still the IV/needle thing again and I don’t care what they’re running through it.
As far as the pills vs. the liquid, my mom can’t swallow all the pills or the liquid they wanted her to drink, so she called around until she found a gastroenterologist who told her to drink one bottle of magnesium sulfate. It’s foul, and the rest of the regimen still applies, but you’re not swallowing dozens of pills or gallons of liquid.
The dermatologist was a good suggestion–sun worshipper than I am, I went to have an all over check just to make sure there were no problems in areas that I couldn’t see.
I thought I’d have to wait for months and they got me in 2 days after I called. I imagine with your touring schedule it makes it really hard to book appointments. The cholesterol is always a good thing to check in case you have a history of it or heart disease in your family. Frankly I’m surprised they didn’t give you hell for the smoking. Glad to hear your overall health is good.
May 1st, 2009 - 1:54 am
YO! Dorothy! You and I actually sharw the same b-day. (OK, I was 1963////and I think you were like ….ahum….2004? ) Right? Anyway. Happy B-Day from me. S*cks that I have been “demanding” you for way over a year now. (FYI….I really was born on 5/6….1963. I was told “Don’t go there” about whatever happened then. Sorry, no clue………………..
June 3rd, 2009 - 12:20 pm
Wow! Pages right from my life the last year. Colonoscopy, upper GI oscopy of some kind. I’ve spent more time at the hospital or various doctors/clinics etc. and nuclear med tests that I would be afraid to enter an airport terminal for fear I would set off all kinds of alarms! And what is up with your primary care doc acting more like an air flight controller than a doctor? Anytime I go in to see him, he just routes me to another doc. How in the world do they call that good medicine? Hope everything turned out ok and you continue to be vital and vibrant out on the tours as you always have been. Blessings of health and much stamina!!
January 20th, 2010 - 6:31 am
I really appreciate you taking the time to post this info for readers like me to read.
February 22nd, 2010 - 3:39 pm
Chicago is home to so many great doctors, my personal OBGYN is John Weitzner
June 6th, 2010 - 8:03 pm
I can imagine the hard work it must have been required to research for this post.All what i can say is just keep Publishing such post we all love it.And just to bring something to your notice,I have seen some blog providng your blog as source for this information.
July 9th, 2010 - 11:49 am
Colon cancer can be avoided if you just keep high fiber foods in your diet..”‘
July 12th, 2010 - 11:55 am
the former president of the philippines Corazon Aquino died also of colon cancer-.;