The Book of Dorothy
Written and Presented with Love by Thayer Rasmick and Beth Hayes
[Copyright 2004 by Thayer Rasmick and Beth Hayes. All rights reserved. No portion of thefollowing may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever, including internet usage, withoutthe express permission of said authors.]I.
In the Beginning, there was nothing, as one might assume. And the Universewas without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. A very nothingit was, indeed. On might even call it bleak, had "ones" been created at this juncture.Which they had not. Nor had "junctures," for that matter.
II.
And lo, from within the aforementioned deep came a cacophanous clanging of annoyingproportions. But alas, this clamor was curtailed soon after its nativity by a lightning-quick slap and a thunderous mumble of "damned alarm."
III.
And verily, Dorothy Morrison opened her eyes, and the Universe once again came intobeing. And so did mornings. Which was a problem.
IV.
And Dorothy said, "Let there be light." And she turned on the lamp and squinted atthe morning that had been created, and saw that it was NOT good. And Dorothy sad, "Ugh...Let there be darkness once again."
V.
And Dorothy said, "Verily, there must be a substance by which the morning may be madebearable. A warm, life-giving liquid that revives and soothes those who may partake of it.
VI.
And Dorothy said, "Let us make Coffee in the strength of our likeness, which is to sayin a poetic manner, strong enough to fell a small pony. That's quite strong, that is. Then Dorothy created small ponies for testing purposes - until the PETA people found outabout it, at any rate.
VII.
And Dorothy looked upon her creation, and thereupon tasted it (the coffee, not the ponies), and found that it was very, very good. And Dorothy declared, "Henceforth shalt thou be worshipped daily in the breakfast nooks of non-morning persons, who shall call you by many names, such as Joe, Java, Mud, or even Mochacino by the Heathens. But thou shalt always be known as Coffee, in whom I am well pleased. and all of creation shall rejoice in thee, and sing thy praises:
Hail Folgers, full of brace: My cup is with thee
Blessed art thou amongst hot drinks
And blessed is the fruit of thy bean, coffee.
Holy moly, melter of mornings!
Pour for us sleepers, now and at the hour of our waking!A-Morrison!"
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